2024 in review

13 Jan 2025

17 minute read

This was one of the years of all time. I learned a lot, less about science than usual but more about relationships and general maturity stuff. It definitely had some painful moments, but there were also many great things.

I caught glimpses of some beautiful ideas, I settled into my life at MIT and now have a circle of people who inspire me and illuminate my life, and I feel more confident to face the world, knowing my strengths and weaknesses a bit better. I also did a lot of collaborative work with people who inspired me in new ways.

I tried to do research really hard. I grinded, and developed, but I struggled. I am trying to finish the projects I’ve been doing and put them out this month mostly.

I developed strength and self reliance. Obviously it’s normal to depend on others, but this year I saw myself confronted with the fallbacks of depending too much. I am now able to be happier on my own, and develop a slightly healthier, more understanding mindset towards the way I end up living my life. This year I have had deep, beautiful friendships that I am beyond grateful for. But in some of these lows, I grappled with a sense that things were off, that there was some true connection right around the corner but always out of grasp. I was bound by expectation, waiting to see, be seen, and a bunch of other things. This expectation weighs on others and destroys your lucidity. Instead I have been trying to, mostly successfully, choose to take in the things that bring color to your life, and nurture them from a place of strength. When you are no longer dependent on someone or something in an existential, unhealthy way, you can more clearly see things as you are. You can recognize both the pain and the beauty of the things you are graced with in your friendships, relationships, etc… and then choose what deserves a place in your life.

I think my sense of beauty is growing more and more. I watched some movies that I really liked this year, and I wrote more poetry. Some images really stuck with me deeply, and I want to keep seeking out these kinds of insane artistic experiences.

I have a much better model of what it means to be a researcher thinking about the questions that I’m interested in. I have a better sense of a real agenda I can pursue that satisfies me intellectually/aesthetically and genuinely matters.

I know that I will keep learning, seeking out art, people and new experiences. I know that I will create the conditions for my goals wherever I am, and I know that the world will change faster and faster. I feel okay about all of this, and am excited by everything that lies ahead.

I am in a bit of a corny mood tonight, so I want to leave one message to that person looking back, and it is this: go find the magic. f your mindset goes sour remember there is so much beauty to grasp always. In the famous words of Baudelaire, re-enacted here by Serge Reggiani (the video is beautiful, and translates):

Il faut être toujours ivre, tout est là ; c’est l’unique question. Pour ne pas sentir l’horrible fardeau du temps qui brise vos épaules et vous penche vers la terre, il faut vous enivrer sans trêve.

Mais de quoi? De vin, de poésie, ou de vertu à votre guise, mais enivrez-vous!

Et si quelquefois, sur les marches d’un palais, sur l’herbe verte d’un fossé, vous vous réveillez, l’ivresse déjà diminuée ou disparue, demandez au vent, à la vague, à l’étoile, à l’oiseau, à l’horloge; à tout ce qui fuit, à tout ce qui gémit, à tout ce qui roule, à tout ce qui chante, à tout ce qui parle, demandez quelle heure il est. Et le vent, la vague, l’étoile, l’oiseau, l’horloge, vous répondront, il est l’heure de s’enivrer ; pour ne pas être les esclaves martyrisés du temps, enivrez-vous, enivrez-vous sans cesse de vin, de poésie, de vertu, à votre guise.

How is it that I get to live every day and see all this magic? that I can learn more about the structure of this world? That I get to think about the unbelievable beauty day after day crystallized in the slow motion of particles, in shapes mapping in and out of each other or the practice of poetry, and this web of rich inner lives illuminating each other? that I love these people and their personable, similar and yet alien outlooks bouncing off against mine? that I get to feel understood and seen, that you understand a view on who I am and choose to walk it through day after day? how is that I get to experience these lives singing against mine for as long as we choose to? and that even after that, I will get to collect these sweet postcards on the road that have made me this single person, lost in immensity, writing it all down?

And so, read this as a catalogue of magic; of passion blooming out and in; of dreams being workshopped; I learned a cool phrase just now, kangai muryō - I am overwhelmed by the beauty of things, and I will stay overwhelmed. Will you come along with me?

~~

Goals #

2024 goals #

2025 goals #

Research #

[… this section is to be improved, probably as a separate post because of how much attention it deserves]

I don’t want to get into the weeds here just yet, but this is probably where most of my learning has gone.

I’ve been working on a few projects:

I don’t want to post too much about the future but there are a lot of ideas I’m excited about here. I will also post something about the papers that have stood to me so far. Excited to keep hopping along this research journey.

I’m converging a bit on the type of work/setting I will want to work in long term. I am strongly considering applying to graduate school, and I want a lot of independence. I believe at some point I will pivot to some sort of research startup, where a set of friends and I with a few takes and ideas try to make something happen, in ML. Already currently starting to do things along this vein.

Maybe this is a mediocre summary of the sorts of things I want to think about right now.

My research aesthetics is broadly very excited about understanding open-ended learning and forms of true adaptivity in AI, and then trying to make these systems integrate well to empower human desires/values.

I approach this research through two main lenses:

Looking forward, I want to keep focusing on these two goals, both in terms of improving our understanding of these systems, and exploring how to integrate them with human processes / science in a way that empowers humans rather than overwhelming us. I believe AI will trigger a lot of change in the coming years and I want it to push us forward rather than back.

I want to do research with cool people over the summer! Hit me up.

Learning #

What I wanted to learn #

What I learned #

Classes #

The memorable ones!

I also did two reading programs with grad students for the MIT directed reading programs, where we read through technical content and then I presented at the end to my fellow students!

What I want to learn #

Writing #

Started a substack! Mostly convenient for newsletter management.

What I wrote #

Not much! Lots of journaling/independent stuff but not much I wanted to post.

I did a lot of writing for my classes, as I mentioned before, in poetry and essays, which I want to catch up to and put out there. My 3 public posts are here, mostly life updates and some thoughts.

I wrote papers! LOL

And some technical writing. I’ve gotten less and less public, for better or worse, partially also as I’ve felt that the standards I want to have increase, and my slack decreases.

What I wanted to write #

What I want to write #

I want to publish and finish some of the thoughts from this year, notably:

Content I liked #

Note: shifting style of this post from enumerative to still enumerative, but for the things that actually stood out, not complete.

Books #

Did not read much this year! Want to read more next year. These are just the books that I find worth mentioning, the rest are listed here, along with a bunch that I didn’t really find worth mentioning afterwards.

Movies #

Articles #

https://www.nplusonemag.com/issue-35/fiction-drama/the-feminist/

https://www.gleech.org/love

https://www.dwarkeshpatel.com/p/gwern-branwen

https://www.commonreader.co.uk/p/learning-to-love-how-the-poet-dana

https://barnacles.substack.com/p/understanding-as-an-art

https://www.oldtimestrongman.com/articles/the-iron-by-henry-rollins/

https://dynomight.substack.com/p/automated

https://x.com/RichardMCNgo/status/1835381944722563284

https://www.alexirpan.com/2016/01/03/grad-school.html

https://goldenblue.substack.com/p/siddhartha

https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2001/12/all-you-need-is-love/302351/

https://paulgraham.com/worked.html

https://goldenblue.substack.com/p/only-the-body-speaks

https://leonardtang.me/posts/Life-Gradient-Descent/

https://paulgraham.com/genius.html

https://danwang.co/college-girardian-terror/

https://www.approachwithalacrity.com/101-things-for-my-past-self/

https://www.bitsofwonder.co/p/give-your-friends-a-chance-to-abandon

https://twitter.com/NPCollapse/status/1763960083858198573

https://nicholas.carlini.com/writing/2024/my-research-logfile.html

https://amalianegreponti.com/why-did-you-come-here/

https://vitalik.eth.limo/general/2024/01/31/end.html

https://www.fortressofdoors.com/i-lost-my-son/

https://usefulfictions.substack.com/p/1154dba1-49f6-4feb-b091-6d4a7eefa94d

https://space.ong.ac/escaping-flatland